Kelsey Schnell

Author: Kelsey Schnell

  • Three Hands, One Face

    Three Hands, One Face

    I never realized that I had wrists the size of a fourth grade girl or that I’m uniquely qualified to be Robin Williams’ stand-in for any tight-frame forearm shots. (more…)

  • We Met in the Middle

    We Met in the Middle

    My brothers and I didn’t really like our grandfather when we were growing up. That isn’t to say we didn’t love him, we just didn’t really like him.

    His house had rules. We couldn’t be too loud. They didn’t have toys. We couldn’t watch the TV shows we wanted. They didn’t want to play with us.
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  • The Most Convenient Fruit

    The Most Convenient Fruit

    My typical day includes a generous helping of coffee, 70 miles in a car and a food item that makes life easier.

    The most convenient fruit is…

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  • A Gentleman’s Game

    A Gentleman’s Game

    I don’t have a lot of disposable income, but when I manage to pull a few bucks to the side, and I’m having trouble finding other ways to embarrass myself, I play golf. (more…)

  • The Good Words

    The Good Words

    I recognize that I am unnecessarily verbose. Some might say I’m quite the anomaly, living in this 140-character world of short and sweet. (Some need to mind their own damn business.) (more…)

  • The Getting There (and back)

    The Getting There (and back)

    I drive about 70 miles each day for my commute to work. Most of that 350 mile-per-week trip is in metro-Detroit traffic, which is just on this side of having a mosquito bite on your ankle where your shoe rubs for irritation.

    But when my college roommate and his girlfriend of eight years got married this past weekend, it put my endurance to the test as I traveled 914 miles (about 17 hours) for the wedding in Marquette in Michigan’s upper peninsula. (total mileage and hours) (more…)

  • 200 Years On

    200 Years On

    Too often we take for granted the benefits of modern living. To say the least, life 200 years ago would have been pretty bothersome.

    I’ve compiled a list of certain particularly frustrating…well… you’ll see.

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  • “Hot” Lies and Cinnamon

    “Hot” Lies and Cinnamon

    I’m tired of things that allege to taste like cinnamon but are actually just hot.

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  • The Story of Shawn

    Sometimes, when I take Horton for a walk, there are children outside playing. Horton loves kids. And every time a kid walks toward Horton and me, they stop about five feet away and break their eye-contact with Horton just long enough to ask my permission to pet him.

    “May I pet your dog?” All of them, as if born knowing the proper way to approach a person with a dog, ask permission.

    All of them, except for Shawn. (more…)

  • Hold Your Tongue and say Apple

    Hold Your Tongue and say Apple

    When Steve Jobs held a press conference on July 16, 2010 to discuss the problems with the iPhone 4’s reception, the MacWorld was looking for answers. What they got was a spanking from a frustrated CEO.

    (more…)